There’s lots of time spent bemoaning sexual dysfunction. But romantic dysfunction is arguably worse. Keep an eye out for this tragic condition. Symptoms include

• ocular sensitivity to candlelight and sunsets
• allergies to flowers, chocolates, champagne, and most retail bubble bath mixtures
• skin discomfort from beach sun and sand
• severe nearsightedness, prohibiting scenic views
• religious beliefs that mandate solitude on New Years Eve, Christmas, Valentines, and other national holidays

But at least that segment of society all hung up on sexual dysfunction will be please to know that the romantically dysfunctional can stay in the bedroom all day and copulate like rabbits, which is apparently quite important.

Thought Partner: Ashley Serotta